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New
Disease:
Gonorrhea Lectim
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The Center
for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent
strain of sexually transmitted disease. This disease is contracted
through dangerous and high risk behavior. The disease is called
Gonorrhea Lectim (pronounced "gonna re-elect him").
Many
victims have contracted it after having been screwed for the
past 4 years, in spite of having taken measures to protect themselves
from this especially troublesome disease.
Cognitive
sequellae of individuals infected with Gonorrhea Lectim include,
but are not limited to:
Anti-social
personality disorder traits
Delusions
of grandeur with a distinct messianic flavor
Chronic
mangling of the English language
Extreme
cognitive dissonance
Inability
to incorporate new information
Pronounced
xenophobia
Inability
to accept responsibility for actions
Exceptional
cowardice masked by acts of misplaced bravado
Uncontrolled
facial smirking
Ignorance
of geography and history
Tendencies
toward creating evangelical theocracies
A strong
propensity for categorical, all-or nothing behavior
The disease
is sweeping Washington. Naturalists and epidemiologists are
amazed and baffled that this malignant disease originated only
a few years ago in a Texas Bush.
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